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I want a husband. I want to be more secure and more comfortable. I want to enjoy more freedom. If I had a husband, I could wake him up in the middle of the night and send him downstairs and to the basement and even to the attic to check out all the squeaks and screeches that may scare me or just make me feel a little uncomfortable. Then after he checked everywhere while being half sleep and dying to get back to bed, I would ask him to get me a glass of water from the fridge. Finally, after drinking the water and returning the glass to him, I would tuck myself into his warm and strong arms just like a baby and fall asleep before he could
make any moves.
If I saw a cockroach or anything that was alive and moved, I could get him run fast at my high-pitched scream to get the slipper and execute the frightening, hairy and ugly animal
with on deadly stroke. Then he would get the dustpan and the broom and perform the funeral taking the smashed body into the toilet basin and flushing it down into no-come- back one-way- only destination. In the meantime I would be screaming and jumping up and down while hiding behind him and wrinkling my nose to imply how disgusting the scene is and how cruel you should be to do change a little harmless insect into a paper-thin film of organic material.
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If I needed to go anywhere, he would have to be more than pleased to drop me there and pick me up before I lose my patience. He could also wait for me in the car until I came back. I don’t mind. I would never need to fill the gas tank, wash the car, have it fixed,
Clean it or check the engine oil, the break oil, the transmission oil and all other sorts of oil. I would just ride it as a queen and he would drive it as my private chauffer. Life can’t be any more interesting.
If I had a husband, I could blame him for all of what my in laws have done and have said that I didn’t like. I could also blame him for anything else that I didn’t like such as the unbelievably high balance on my credit card bill or the big number at the bottom of the telephone statement, although all of the long distance items show the numbers that I know by heart. However, he is my man and men are good at being taken responsible for anything that is not good enough, high enough, low enough or, in certain cases, sturdy enough.
If I had a husband, I could talk about all his weaknesses and stupid actions to all my friends and to his friends, as well , making him blush to the back of his ears. After all, men look more handsome when they are red or even better when they are bluish red.
Briefly, I would feel safer, more comfortable and freer if I had a husband. After all, who doesn’t want a company who is easy to manage and ready to do anything for you just to win a smile, a hug or a kiss on the cheek and a tap on the shoulder?
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